If you haven’t already, been doing this… you need to make your marriage your main Priority. Each of you needs to put each other first before the children and stepchildren. It’s important to get out at least once a week and have a date night with one another. In order to build a strong solid marriage that will withstand all of the drama the ex-spouses dish out you need to make sure you put each other first and take care of one another’s needs. There is a book I recently read that really helps you define both of your strongest needs, it is called “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. The book helps you discover what each of your five love languages is and when you discover them, it will help build a strong marriage. My husband and I started seeing a marriage therapist this past summer because we just felt distant with one another and things just didn’t seem ok between us. The first thing our marriage therapist said to do was read this book together. We did that and it really opened up our eyes to see what is important to one another and we started meeting those love language needs and what a difference our marriage has been since then. I really encourage every married couple to read this book together and watch what a difference it will make in your marriage.
Ok now, getting back to dating your husband. It’s important to pick a date night that is consistent every week and look your best when you go out, don’t wear your work clothes or sweatshirts. After all when you were single and on a first date with someone you wanted to look your best then, so this is not any different. Have fun with this; don’t just make it about going out for dinner and a movie. Be creative, and do something fun together, like for an example: roller skating, bowling, zip lining, tennis, canoeing, sailing or ice skating. What’s even more spontaneous surprise your husband with an overnight fun at a hotel room. When is the last time you took them to a hotel? Rent a room with a hot tub in it and buy some new lingerie, pack a bag ahead of time of clothes for them and make the hotel reservations and just go out to dinner like usual and give them a card with the hotel key card inside of it.
A great solid marriage has these key elements within it:
- Close Relationship with God – Praying together and separately for one another.
- Healthy Communication – Talk every day even during work; keep connected with one another always.
- Personality Compatibility – Do not be jealous, controlling, angry, moody or overly critical.
- Conflict Resolution – Manage conflict in a healthy manner, never go to bed angry, and always resolve issues within a short time frame.
- Couple Flexibility – Adapt easily to changes of life’s circumstances.
- Leisure Time Together – Go on DATE nights with one another or do a hobby you both enjoy together.
If you have a great handle on all six of these then you are doing something right within your marriage and you will be able to withstand whatever stresses come at your marriage whether it’s stepchildren or an ex-spouse.
Do you go on a weekly date night with your husband or spouse? What are some of the fun date nights you have had together?