Document Everything!

Document Everything, blended family, stepmoms, stepmom advice, court advice
If you have an ex-spouse that is difficult and is a court acholic (meaning takes you to court over every little thing) you need to document everything.  You need to protect yourself and protect your custody arrangements. Having everything in writing is better so that there is proof in case you ever need it in court.  It also keeps both parties honest and it also helps with your memory of recalling how things go on.

How do you this?

Need to tell the ex-spouse that from here on out any communication with them will either have to be in an email or a text message.  No more talking on the phone with them or in person. That way you can save everything they send to you. Make sure to save your responses that you send back to them too.  Emails help with being able to take your time with making a decision. Emails give you time to check schedules and most importantly talk to your spouse about it before making a decision. I also keep a notebook and write down all of the times you have the kids or were supposed to have the kids and reasons why it did not take place. I do this with my stepchildren, I write down every request his ex-wife or my stepchildren want him to do, meaning if he has to pick them up from school or a football practice.  
I even write down conversations that I have with my stepchildren whenever they say something that could go against the ex-wife. Any information is better than no information to go to court with.

That way if you go to court you have a defense of how much you have been helping out and being involved with your kids’ lives.  I also make sure my husband saves all text messages from his children and ones from his ex-wife and convert them to emails.  That way when and if you do go to court you have proof against whatever they might be claiming. Keep any receipts of having to pay for anything extra for the children, that way if they claim that you don’t help out with things you have proof.  If you have to pay any doctor bills for the children, make sure you make a copy of it for your records. Pretty much anything they ask you to do that costs you money, make sure you have proof of it somehow.
A rundown of what you need to save:
  • Emails & print them out
  • Text Messages – convert them to emails & print them out
  • Receipts of anything you paid the ex-spouse
  • Document in a Notebook – any conversations with children that you could use against the ex-spouse.

If you have a passive spouse, you might want to consider attending the court hearings with your spouse in order to help them with their defense against the ex-spouse. Never lose hope, don’t give up fighting for your kids. Even when it feels like a never ending battle and it feels like the system is against you.

Published by Michelle T

Stepmom for 19 years overall, married for 10 years. I have three of my own children and three stepchildren who are adults now.

17 thoughts on “Document Everything!

  1. I appreciate this post so much. I document everything that I can even pictures! This is definitely important even when you don't have an ex that loves going to court.


  2. Always better to be safe than sorry and have the documentation you need – hopefully everyone in a divorce would act in a manner this wouldn't be necessary but unfortunately that is not always the case.


  3. Awesome post! I wouldn't have thought about writing about something like this. You have pointed out some helpful tips. I try to do my best at documenting things, but sometimes life happens. Thanks for sharing.


  4. What if you tell the ex this but they won't communicate in writing because they realize the spouse is wanting to build a case against them when it isn't their place to do that? If the ex had requested it before the spouse that would be one thing, but if it happens after remarriage chances are you're not going to get cooperation so your spouse can play secretary and keep things organized for you so they can prove to you what a horrid beast the ex is.


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