- Is it kind?
- Is it true?
- Is it necessary?
If the answer is yes then talk to your husband, if the answer is no to any of these questions than control our tongue and stop and walk away. We sometimes need to choose peace over being right. We need to let go of our desires to be right all the time and just keep things to ourselves or share it with our friends, but we instead need to choose peace.
Us stepmoms need to learn when to speak or when not to speak. “Let your conversations be always full of grace” Colossians 4:6. Karen Ehman said, “When we choose to lace our words with grace healing happens”. In proverbs 16:24 it says “Gracious words are a honey comb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”. We always have to resist the urge to lash out in anger and instead control our tongues. We need to learn how to let go of us trying to prove our point and instead choose to do the right thing and love the other person with words of full of grace, positivity and love. When our stepchildren say something to us that makes our blood boil with anger, we need to pause to recalculate how we are going to respond; it may even be best to not respond at all and just walk away. If we do choose to find words of grace to say what’s on your mind. Don’t choose the first thing that comes to our minds because it’s usually in anger. Sometimes we just have to face the fact that we are going to have people in our lives that we don’t mix well with and it’s like oil and water they don’t mix. We just need to choose grace over a bitter tongue. There is a book that I have read that I totally recommend for anyone that doesn’t have control of “The Tongue” it is called: “Keep it Shut” by Karen Ehman. It’s a wonderful book and it has really opened my eyes to how I sometimes have problems with controlling what I say to others.
- Be Willing to Listen to others right away
- Don’t be in a hurry to speak or voice our opinions.
- Be Patient. Do not flip your lid.
- Think before you Speak.
- Do not do or say anything wicked or immoral
- Don’t say something that will leave a forever scar just because you are temporary ticked off.
- Remember the 3 questions. Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
- Think about whom we are speaking to but think about what they may be dealing with at the time and how your news may affect them.
- Check your motives and your heart before sharing any good news.
- Remember that one lie leads to multiple lies after just one lie, so don’t speak a lie.
- Watch your words even in the workplace because people are watching what you say.
- Be nice to your enemies, kill them with kindness.
- Speak words that would honor God and not what someone else wants to hear.
- Our words should always be delivered with respect, kindness, and grace.
- Our words are powerful and they always have consequences.
- Need to choose to grant favor with our words or to love someone through our words.
- Spend time reading the ten scriptures (below) to help you.
- Don’t speak too much.
- Don’t speak too soon.
- Don’t speak without first listening and then give the advice. Or Don’t speak at all.(Karen Ehman; 2015)
- Though you probe my heart though you examine me at night and test me, you will find that I have planned no evil; my mouth has not transgressed. Psalm 17:3
- Before a word is on my tongue, you, Lord, know it completely. Psalm 139:4
- Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
- Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; Keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3
- Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. Ecclesiastes 5:6
- Let your conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6
- May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14
- Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. James 1:26
- Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. 1 Peter 3:10
- Words from the mouth of the wise are gracious, but fools are consumed by their own lips. Ecclesiastes 10:12
Karen Ehman (2015). Keep it Shut. What to say, how to say it and when to say nothing at all. Zondervan publishing.