9 Steps for the Blending Process (Gary & Greg Smalley; 2014)
This means that ex-spouses, in-laws, and friends will try to cause problems or give you unwanted advice. It’s going to happen, it’s just inevitable.
2. Expect children to feel torn between both parents
The stepchildren will have a hard time adjusting especially if PAS is going on with one or both parents. Try your best not to talk badly in front of the stepchildren about the other parent. Let them form their own opinions about their parent without your influence. If you notice them struggling for whatever reason, counseling can really help the stepchildren adjust to being in a Blended Family.
3. Be prepared for change
Before you got married or moved in together, you both had two different styles of parenting. Coming together as one style of parenting is going to take some time and a lot of adjusting and compromise.
4. Be willing to make sacrifices for the common good
For example, you might celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve whereas your husband celebrated Christmas on Christmas Day. You might have to compromise and change the day around to where it makes sense for all of the children in the family. You have to make sacrifices and adjust your life around.
It’s a good rule of thumb to walk in with little or no expectations at all, that way you don’t get discouraged if an expectation you have failed. You can also learn how to have realistic expectations in your blended family by clicking here.
A Blended Family takes a lot of commitment from both of you meaning 100/100 on both of your parts. Make a commitment to one another that you will not give up, no matter how bad and hard it may get.
A Blended Family takes a lot of time, commitment, patience, and faith in God. It also helps to read a lot of books on Blended Families and Step Parenting. Having a support group to turn to when the going gets tough is another great help. Last but definitely not least, counseling for both of you or just one of you will help too.
There will be a lot of bumps along the way, so don’t feel discouraged. Just kick off the dust and try again. You need to realize that you will make mistakes along the way, it’s only normal. No parent is perfect and either is a Blended Family. It’s just how you recover and learn from those mistakes is what matters most.
Put each other first after God. It goes in this order: 1. God 2.Spouse 3. Children. If you follow this order your marriage will be strong and you can get through anything that comes your way.
When we first got together it was very hard. All of the children fought and argued over everything. It put us against one another at times. Then the ex-wife would get involved in our discipline and our rules which made things even ten times worse. There were times where I felt like it was a losing battle. The first five years have been the hardest in our Blended Family but we made it through it. We did make some mistakes along the way that we can’t do anything about except to learn from them and that’s what we have done. I am happy to say we are going on eight years being together and seven years of marriage and I really feel like it’s going uphill now and we are finally in a good place. So don’t give up on yours yet, there is light at the end of the tunnel, just keep on going it will be worth it in the end.