Bad emails from The Ex-Wife

bad emails from the ex-wife
Everyone hates it when they receive a dreadful email from the ex-wife telling you what she thinks of you or how your parenting skills suck or just how she feels about you.  Or an email about something she disapproves of that happened this past weekend at your house.  Every Father and Stepmom get all worked up after they get an email like that. Your first reaction is to hit the reply button and tell her what you think of her parenting choices or how you feel about her.  Well, then this blog post is for you. 
After you are done reading an email that is really awful from the ex-wife, follow these six guidelines on how to handle the bad and awful email instead of what you normally do.

1. Wait to read the email at home instead, so it doesn’t affect your job.
2. Walk away from the email. Get your mind on something else.
3. Don’t reply until 8 hours later or the next day if possible.
4. Don’t reply at all.
5. Save the email print it out for your records for court.
6. Respond only to any question she may have asked that relates to the well-being of the children.

not responding is also a good response

Keep in mind when you do respond it’s a domino effect. Meaning it will fuel the fire to keep on and going and going. Email wars are never any good for anyone.  If you decide not to respond at all she may call or text you asking you if you got her email. You can simply say “I don’t think a response was necessary” and just leave it at that.
When you do respond make sure it’s when you have cooled down and make sure your reply email follows these 3 guidelines:

Is it Nice?
Is it True?
Is it necessary?

If your reply to the email is not either of these guidelines then don’t respond because she can use it against you in court. Don’t give her leverage to use in court.  Another thing to keep in mind, high conflict ex-spouses will sometimes read the email to the kids to get the kids to hate you.  When dealing with a high-conflict ex-spouse always try to communicate through email or via text messages that way you have a paper trail. It’s hard to prove something someone has said on the phone or in person.  Unless you record it which is illegal in some states, however, some states allow it as evidence and some don’t.  Look into it before doing it.
My husband’s ex-wife would send countless of emails telling him what a bad parent he is but rarely had anything else in the email that was of importance that would warrant a response from him.  Almost every other Monday after a weekend with the step-children, she would send an email about something she wasn’t happy with.  In the beginning, he would get so upset and call me at work reading the email to me. He used to fire back at her with an email and then it would just go back and forth. Until one day I said, let it go, don’t respond at all.  Once he stopped responding to her hateful emails. Our life was a lot better. Any time an email was sent to us we would laugh about it over the phone.  He would only respond if it was really necessary and it was short and to point answers.  Once he started handling the emails like that, she eventually stopped sending them.  I think she finally realized that we weren’t going to let her hateful emails come between us and we weren’t going to stoop to her level of craziness.  Don’t let the ex-spouse affect your happiness with one another.  Whenever you get an email always follow those six guidelines above and you will be less stressed out.  Always kill her with kindness and don’t respond to craziness unless it’s really necessary.  Remember anything you say in your email can be used against you in court.  Save every correspondence you get from the ex-spouse, so you can, in turn, use it against her in court if need be.  Also, build up a case against the ex-spouse, don’t just go to court over one email, collect several damaging emails and then use them in court against them. Please remember only respond to crazy and bad emails when: you can be nice, if it’s true, and if it’s necessary.

Published by Michelle T

Stepmom for 19 years overall, married for 10 years. I have three of my own children and three stepchildren who are adults now.

34 thoughts on “Bad emails from The Ex-Wife

  1. Makes me sad that people even have to worry about this. I'm on my second marriage but I have a great relationship with my ex. I can't even imagine sending something nasty back and forth. Good luck to you!

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  2. It's definitely a tough situation to be in. But you can always come out on top if you look at the situation rationally rather than letting your emotions get the better of you!Abigail of GlobalGirlTravels.com

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  3. This is beautifully said, I cannot have said it better myself. I love how mature and calm you handle the situation. It's something that a lot of step parents need.

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  4. Yeah, it makes things hard when the ex-wife is bitter like that. You can suggest my blog or Facebook group to your friend. I am sure she will find it very helpful. Being a Stepmom is hard at times.

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  5. Yes, we do tend to get defensive right away sometimes because of the way society paints this awful picture of us. When really we are parents to who have feelings and choose to love kids that are not even ours biologically and love them as our own. 🙂

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  6. Yeah that would be a good idea too. However, sometimes what they say is important or sometimes they really need to tell us something about the child that they need our input on. It would be great just to spam it though.

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  7. Exactly some times the emails just don't need a reply at all. Especially when they are just name calling and verbally abusive. That's what we would do, which sometimes caused another bad email or a nasty phone call because we didn't respond to the email. Sometimes you just can't win. Lol

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  8. So sorry you are going through this. Just remember that as long as you follow these rules you will come out as the bette person. I am sure your husband appreciates your effort. I seriously don't know why people can't just be happy for others.

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  9. Putting off responding or not responding at all is always a better option. It allows you to think things through. Exes will always have this distorted view of us and if we add fuel to the fire, we'll just make things worse.

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  10. Unless the situation calls for an urgent and much-needed reply that does not involve emotions, it's better to be silent. It's better that way, they'll linger in doubt forever. Eventually they'll give up and you have all the bullets that can be printed out or shown when the law calls for it.

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