They are Family Too

I have been married for ten years now but together for 12 years and my mother still doesn’t treat my step kids like they are part of the family. Meaning around the holidays or their birthdays she never buys them anything or even sends a card. However, my Father, on the other hand, recognizes them every year. Both of my parents are divorced though. It’s so hard to bring this up to my mother because she’s a narcissistic person and she will find a way to turn it around to be my fault somehow. It really hurts me when she can’t accept my step kids as really part of the family.  It’s been very hard and embarrassing when Christmas or their birthday approaches because of that reason. Regardless if she likes it or not, they are part of the family just as much as my own kids are.  My Father seems to get it, wish my mother did too. Even when I have birthday parties for my step kids and invite her, she finds some reason why she can’t attend. My husband says it doesn’t bother him, but it bothers me.  Because I am a stepdaughter too and growing up my stepmoms’ parents treated me very nicely and always got me gifts for my birthdays or Christmas and it made me feel like I was accepted into their family.  They really did care and love me, and I felt it from them. When I got married to my second husband my mother in law at the time would always buy things for my stepdaughter but nothing for my son, which was her step-grandchild.  It really hurt my feelings and I always had to explain it to my son because he did ask why she always bought things for Shelby (my stepdaughter) but nothing for him.  Now getting back to my current husband, his family has always accepted my kids since day one and have treated them equally even though they aren’t biological to the family. I wish everyone was more accepting of step kids in every family because they are family too, they might not be biologically related, but they are related by marriage and love. The younger the stepchildren are the harder it is to explain to them why they didn’t receive a gift from their Grandparents. A rejection or recognition of the stepchildren just feels like a rejection of your spouse.  Your spouse is a package deal as you already know that when you married them, however, parents don’t always accept the package deal, which is sad because they are missing out on a wonderful relationship that they could have with the step-grandchildren. It’s not blood that makes them family it is love. Children that have loving and supportive stepparents and step-grandparents are all that a child needs to have. The more adults that surround a child with love and support is what’s best for the child.

What you can do about it is…

  • Pray about it and give it to God first before you do the following steps.
  • Have the talk with your parents and tell them how to hurt you are that they don’t recognize the stepchildren as grandchildren of their own.
  • You can also put your foot down and say if you don’t accept my stepchildren as your own grandchildren then I will not accept gifts for the biological grandchildren either.
  • Limit the amount of time the grandparents get with all the kids.
The power is in your hands meaning if they don’t accept the stepchildren to then no more visits from any of the children step or biological. Usually, by then they will change their ways. You forget how much power you hold with your parents especially when they want to see their biological grandchildren.
Have you ever been put in this situation of stepchildren or biological children not being recognized or celebrated on their special days?

Published by Michelle T

Stepmom for 19 years overall, married for 10 years. I have three of my own children and three stepchildren who are adults now.

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